People with herpes should wear stickers.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
