Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
