he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize