Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
