I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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