So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
