my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's blow job season.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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