Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
