so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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