Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
