Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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