You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
