ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
