we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
