Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
