you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
