I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
