Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
