i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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