Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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