I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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