I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
