ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He felt like a one man threesome
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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