I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
