# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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