Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
