Someone shit on the floor
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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