Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
