just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
