They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize