I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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