Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
