umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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