I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
