If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
