When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
