people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
