I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
