i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
