And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
