So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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