Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
