and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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