i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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