Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Plan B is the new Plan A
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
