is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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