it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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