I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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