Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
