Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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