Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
