She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
