We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
