he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
