If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
they're like a gay fantastic four
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
