JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
