TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
