i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
