I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
