We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
