On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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