dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
