i don't like sucking hair
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
