dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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